"I Have Learned for Myself..."

One evening, April 8, 2013, I paced around my room, pondering all the things that I had been stressing about. I mumbled to myself how AP testing, expectations, school, choir, church, friends, family, etc. were stressing me out so badly and how I didn't know how to help myself anymore. I eventually began to cry and fell on my bed, saying, “Heavenly Father, I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how I’m going to pass all of my classes and tests, make everyone happy, make it through college as a music major, make my parents proud, help my friends with their problems, and make my life what it should be. I don’t know how to calm my stressing and make everything OK. I know you can help me and I feel hopeless. Is there anything thou wouldst have me learn right now? How can I fix everything?”

I got a feeling that I needed to read my patriarchal blessing. That prepared me by letting me know how much my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me. I realized that I have so much in store for me if I endure and make my way through the challenges. I felt better, but I felt that wasn’t all. I asked if there was anything else that He would have me do. "Even though man is nothing, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God...Compared to God, man is nothing; yet, TO God, man is everything....You matter to Him." ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

From then, I received a prompting telling me to read 1 Nephi 8. At first, I put it off, thinking, “I don’t even know what that chapter is—probably Nephi talking about how his parents are goodly, tree of life, his brothers binding him, or getting the plates from Laban. I tried to think of each story and how it could possibly help me. I asked, “Are you sure I need to do this? Ok. I’m up for anything, so I’ll give it a shot.”

I had left my scriptures in seminary, but that problem was solved as a small, brand new hard-bound Book of Mormon happened to be sitting on the desk in my bedroom. I picked it up, found the chapter and a pen, and began to read. Normally when I think of Lehi’s vision, I think, so, we need to hold to the gospel and the word of God and not let temptation tear us away into the depths of hell. Great. Why do I need this now? But the prompting came again. Read and learn.

Some of the things I learned from that chapter are:

v  Verse 6 taught me to take Christ’s invitation to come and follow Him. I referenced it to Acts 22: 16 “Why tarriest thou?” What are you waiting for? I thought of all the blessings that could come from obeying and having faith. I also referenced it to the April 2013 General Conference as Elder Holland said faith is the basis of our religion. We just need to believe. I told myself, I do believe and if I believe, I will soon know.

v  Verse 7 spoke of a dark and dreary waste, which I thought of as the trials we have. I wrote, “Everyone has trials. We must endure and ‘enjoy to the end’ (Brother Rose),’ continuing in following Christ’s example to eternal life. “

v  Much of the verses spoke of faith, knowing, and doing and I found all that I should do to settle my fears and my worries and become what I need to become. I began to calm down and cry.

v   I wrote, “God is not of the world” next to verse 9

v  “This gospel is different and peculiar = good” by verse 10 because it brings a new joy which no worldly thing can possess.

v  Verse 11 reminded me of “gospel blessings, sacred,”

v  verse 12 “Care for the safety of others,”

v  verse 13 “temptations,”

v  I learned that life is not a stroll—you must work at it. It won’t be easy, but it is doable (1 Corinthians 10 & 15). Don’t let go in times of great trial. Do not halt your progression because you are afraid. Continue in faith, never losing sight of your goal. Let your light shine; don’t be ashamed of the gospel. When you make it past one trial, it is not all done. Do not stop. Stand firm. We must not merely feel our way through life. We must hold fast and press forward diligently. “Enjoy to the end” (Brother Rose). Nearly all of the chapter was underlined, marked, folded in, and written in with answers to my questioning and doubts.

v  etc. . .

 I circled words which were of great importance to me, drew arrows between some of those words where I could see connections, wrote more notes, turned to the referenced scriptures, read topical guide references, referenced to my own patriarchal blessing, and cried. I had learned for myself from speaking to my Father in Heaven and for doing as I was commanded. A single chapter in the scriptures was able to bring much knowledge to my mind and I was able to, with the Savior’s Atonement and help, realize that I am not alone in my life as long as I follow Him.

I need to take His invitations with me daily as trials come and realize that they will bless me as I conquer them with the Savior beside me. I don’t need to worry about certain expectations for now, but I can prepare for the future when I may or may not serve by sharing with others the joy I have learned and actively searching for those who need the help of the gospel in their lives and bringing them to the missionaries. Doing this will also help me when I’m married and have children of my own. I want my family to be able to partake of the fullness of the gospel. I want them to be saved and to be an eternal family.

What seemed like 20 minutes was, in actuality, two and a half hours of learning, crying, praying, and gratitude. That experience helped me build a testimony on prayer, faith, Christ, Heavenly Father, the Holy Ghost, and the scriptures.

I know that if we pray diligently, believing that our prayers will be answered, they will be. If we but ask God for His help, he will help us according to our faith. I know that He loves me and wants me to speak with Him often. He cares and wants to know how life is going from our own mouths. He knows because He sees what’s going on, but prayer is the way we can communicate as a child and a parent should—often. If we do not ask, we cannot receive. I know that as I have prayed, I have always received an answer. Though it is not always what I want at the moment, I would not have it any other way. God knows what we need and when we need it; when we ask, He is so glad to have the opportunity to help us. We must graciously take the help and apply it in our lives. It will be for our help and benefit. We are only human and do not know all that we think we know. God knows all. We should be faithful and true—even if our prayers and lives aren't exactly the way we want them, for it is always for the best in our lives. Sometimes, even if you pray for one thing, you will always get what you need--and sometimes, what you need is NOT what you want.

I know that faith is the first great footstep to the kingdom of God. How great is it to believe in something that is real when we cannot see it? How blessed we will be to believe and have faith in God without Him having to show himself as proof before we “believe.” I know of a surety that God lives. I know that He is real and out there. I know that if I repent and follow Him, I can make it back to Him someday. In my experience, faith is what holds me when I am in a rough situation. When I even begin to doubt even a little, faith is the string that keeps me tied back to Christ, giving me that ability to take His Atonement and apply it. I truly believe Elder Holland as he said we can know, but first, we must believe. How blessed will we be. Our faith, though it may be as small as a mustard seed, will eventually grow, flourish, and be a beacon for us and we will know.

I know that the scriptures are the true word of God. I know that if we go to them with a prayer in our heart looking to learn from them, we will learn just what we need at that time. Reading from the scriptures will increase our knowledge and bring us closer to God. Each time I have picked up the scriptures, I have learned something new. From learning how to look in the scriptures and how to ask for answers before looking in the scriptures, I am now able to learn more of the fullness of the gospel. I can now go back to scriptures and remember why I marked them, what it made me feel, and what I learned from it so that I may learn more when I go back to that scripture. The scriptures become larger and more exciting to read and you long for more. I have never before felt such a great excitement for reading the scriptures until seminary taught me how to soak it all in. I am now able to cling to the knowledge I have received and keep it with me always. I will never in this lifetime know all that God knows, but now, each time I read the scriptures, I am one step closer to knowing the mysteries of God, so long as I keep myself worthy to receive of those blessings.

Life is rough, but you just have to face it. No matter how much it beats you down to the point where crying seems to not be an option and you just want to skip it and move on, there is always a way out. Christ is that way out. He has felt everything as he suffered and bled. He knows your sorrows, your pains, your feelings, and exactly how to help you. You don't want to skip those trials in your life, because you can't grow from them if you do; you lose those blessings. Life can be hard, but for every reason you have to be upset, there are so many more reasons to be happy if you only put your mind to it. If you must, cry it out and move on. Cleanse your head with the love of God. Everything will work out and there are so many people who love and care for you, including Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You can pull through! I have learned that after these past couple weeks with my own opportunities as well as with my friends' stories. "Enjoy to the end," (Brother Rose) is what I think of, every time, whenever I'm worried. Enduring takes work. But if you set your mind to it, you can and will enjoy it.

I know this church is true and this is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know Joseph Smith restored it with God’s help. I know that President Monson is the true prophet who is the right one to lead and guide us today. I know he receives divine guidance on how to lead the members of the church. I love the temple. I love this gospel, I love my friends, I love my family, and I love life. No matter how hard life gets, I am so glad that I can go to the temple, feel close to my Savior, feel touched by the Spirit, feel calmed, know that I am doing the work of the Lord, and have a blast doing it. We must come to find our true self and rise to our potential. We can become so great if we only strive for that perfection. We are all sons and daughters of a king. Think to yourself, "Who am I?" and strive to be the person you want to be. Don't think about what you cannot or should not do. Know what's right and what's wrong, and just live the way that will get you to your truest and best self. Be you, for if you are any version of anyone but you, it's not worth as much. “The worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” I love it when prayers are answered. I love it when the leaders of our church follow inspiration to speak on a certain topic. I love inspiration in general because it has helped me more than I can express in my life. I just love it. I know that going to Heavenly Father with a question and with our concerns and excitements will bring both us great joy, blessings, and answers in our lives. Our trials are but a small moment in our lives. We can and will pull through with the Lord on our side. After the storm, there will be peace (1 Kings 19:  12 (9-13)). I am not alone, someone has felt what I was feeling, trust in God, don't lose faith, we don't always need to know why something happens--we just need to know and have the faith that it's what is right for us. I know that I am a child of God and He has a plan for each and every one of us. I know these things without a shadow of a doubt and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

#April #2013 #Stress #Worry #AP #College #Choir #Church #LDS #Family #Scriptures #Prayer #Answers #Help #Question #Music_Major #Hopeless #Learn #Joseph_Smith #Patriarchal_Blessing #Heavenly_Father #Endure_To_The_End #Challenge #General_Conference #Prompting #1Nephi8 #Nephi #Tree_of_Life #Golden_Plates #Seminary #Lehi's_Vision #Gospel #Temptation #Read_and_Learn #Invitation #Christ #Blessings #Obedience #Faith #Believe #Trials #Sacred #Enlightened